Shalom!

I wonder what would've happened to me if I don't know God. If God is not in my life, I'd be a total wrecked and crushed person. I might even be an absolute damage.

A friend of mine told me to surrender my concern to God like what a friend of ours did. Yes, I've been surrendering it. I just don't know if I have really done so, completely. He doesn't know the situation I am in so he doesn't understand how I surrender this concern. It's ok though. I'm doing better than before.

Another friend of mine told me to just confess. The heck. I think I'd rather die. LOL. Kidding, mehn! I believe I don't mind confession stuff. I just want to be sure that if I do, it's already over. Or if there's a place where I can run to and hide myself, I might do so. But then if that's what I have in mind, what is the point of confessing? Some things are just worth keeping, even 'til the grave.

With all these stuff I am going through, I wonder what will become of me in the future. I hope it will help me become a better person each day and will equip me in my profession-to-be. And I pray that this experience has brought me knowledge, wisdom and understanding.

I am looking forward to the day when I will be given with an offer I can never refuse; on the day I am free to give what I've always wanted to give.

I sometimes want to see God (face to face) and ask Him some personal questions. I want to know what He wants me to learn. I want to know how to let go of some things in life. I know I told God that I won't ask of Him a particular thing. I gave it up weeks ago. It still hurts. It'd be a lie if I say it doesn't hurt. I may not feel the pain in my heart, but it hurts somewhere else. I am fine with that. Heart-san has been hurt a lot and I don't want him to take any more pain. It's not healthy for him.

I've always wanted to have something to make me forget it. But it's not easy. I even sometimes feel that something's getting stronger. Too bad, I can't express enough so I have to show it somewhere else. I am actually trying to think of a proper term for it. It is either sublimation or displacement without the negative attribute.

There's a movie that I want to watch because I'm intrigued with the plot. I hope I can watch it. But more than that, I really want to get over some things I am having a hard time forgetting. Losh. I know I am a forgetful person, but there are just some things that I could hardly forget no matter what I do.

Oh my Gackt. I made it here with just one try! *happy*

I usually have to check my e-mail and change settings just to get into this blog. But this time, I got it right with just one shot. Kewlness!

I really haven't updated in this blog because of username and password problems. And I bloody hate it.

There are lots of things lurking in my mind right now. I'm supposed to be sleeping right now because I have class later at 7 in the morning. Not that I'm miss being online, but I am so upset I feel the need to vent out in my blog. Blogs, actually. I hate it. I'm really upset with a friend of mine.

Enough of that crap.

I want to cook. I did cook for my dinner last night. I made a Pechay Frittata. It wasn't good enough and I still have to practice. By the way, Frittata is an Italian omelette. I have known such dish because of Lifestyle Network. I love that channel.

I know I won't learn to make any Filipino dishes any time soon so I'm going overseas and look for easy dishes. I'm going to try a Dutch dish one of these days. *excited*