It was last night when I figured out my recent means of unloading what I’ve been feeling inside. It’s like a turbulence caused by a storm. Not that I’m emotionally shattered or the like. Say it’s like a reaction formation. I’m not really in the mood to explain so I’ll just keep going. I’ve been listening to different artists and bands lately. It’s my way of telling my immediate circle what I feel. I think people need a reminder of what they are going through, somehow. They want to hear or see what they could hardly express. I have heard of Yellowcard before, but I didn’t pay any attention to it until the night of Wednesday, 07 May 2008. My friends played Only One during our surprise for my cousin’s 18th birthday. The next day, I’ve been listening a lot to it. And I still do. Exploring different artists and bands was nice because it exposed me to different styles, music and art. It was actually fun. And it saved me from trouble figuring out how to put into words what I feel inside. I don’t want to blog out the gravity of what I am going through. My unconscious mind is making things lighter than they actually are. Too bad I am in the health care profession so I was able to figure out that my physical complaints are somehow related to my emotional health. I can’t contribute everything to it though because I’ve been really toxic lately. But the reaction formation thingy, I have no doubt for that.
I’ve been listening to songs that I can somehow relate to. There were those that are familiar, which I have heard even when I was still a little kid (e.g. Guns n’ Roses, Bryan Adams) and there were those that I just clicked and tried. It’s fun. But it’d me much better if I really get over this.
I keep hurting inside, hurting inside
With nowhere to run…
Take That - Patience