Shalom!

For the past week, I've been feeling down and troubled. I've been so pessimist and enclosed in a hurting shell I wanted to leave. I wanted to leave everything and everyone behind. Though it doesn't totally mean leaving them nor forgetting them. I just want to be back of who I was: a loner; a maverick.

I wanted to see them no more until last Saturday. I held on to the little hope I saw. I still remember on that day I told myself to back off. I was not required to be there. But I still left to be there. I hoped everything will be fine.

It did become fine BUT just for a split moment. Only two people, I guess, were able to see me frown that way. I didn't want to do so. But I don't know. And I've hurt a friend. I am no good. That was such a $#!+. How could've I hurt a friend who just tried to cheer me up. That was what I needed! I needed someone to cheer me up even just for a minute.

I left the place with no trace of happiness or smile in my face. I couldn't even do a devilish smile. All that was on my face was sorrow. I almost shed tears while walking my way through the parking area of the mall.

Am I really capable of leaving them behind? I said I won't leave. I shall stay. If I will leave, it doesn't mean I am erasing you from my life. But I am erasing myself from your lives. I shall stay for the sake of the one who appointed me. I shall stay and do my job. Until I have such reasons for staying, I'll keep logged in.

This is not about dan. It's about me. I am losing something of me and I want to retrieve it. There's only one thing I wish. May none of those from the dan read this. May none of them know what happened to me.